Below I've included the lyrics to one of my favorite songs of all time. It's one of those songs that you know, just makes me smile each and every time I hear it. I don't really consider any other version besides Nina Simone because she is just so fantastic and gorgeous to listen to. I chose the lyrics as a heading for this post because it's now officially the "new year" and I AM feeling good. For the first time in, I don't know, five years or so, I am happy with the "plan" I have set for 2011. I am not thinking too far beyond this year, and that is something I am working on - "the 5 year plan" and all that, but for now, I am actually proud of myself. I feel healthy, strong, intelligent, calm and beautiful from the inside out. I am in love, and it is not perfect but it is real and true. More importantly than my love for my dear sweetheart however, is my self-love and I am now, possibly for the first time, truly and completely in love with myself. I have finally learned how to put my needs first and not to think of that as a selfish or negative thing. Obviously, i'm going to keep learning how to refine and define that scenario, but it's here and it's not going anywhere.
This morning at the gym (I was there at quarter to 8, which for anyone who knows me is WAY early) about how I didn't have to set my intentions for any new years resolutions this year because before the year even began, I was doing them! All the resolutions I've been setting for, I don't know, five years now - are taking place and I didn't have to think about it because there were a clear part of my agenda before the new year began. There are three ("resolutions") that have been taunting me year after year; 1. Work out. 2. Get back into acting/singing/art and 3. Take vitamins. The first of these, working out, I addressed one month ago when I joined a gym. I did it because I was so sad and frustrated with my weight/body image. I eat pretty healthy, don't go to excess and live my life with the modo "Everything in moderation, including moderation." I knew deeply that until I got to be more physically active, nothing was going to change. There is also another positive side to working out for me because I struggle with body pain that ebbs and flows with the weather. Something inside me was telling me that if I swam consistently, it would not only help with the pain but the healthy body issue as well. It's like when I couldn't get the idea of roller-blades out of my head until I bought a pair and proceeded to blade until the wheels basically fell off. So I did it, and I am LOVING it. I do have drag my ass out of bed and go work out, but it's worth it and i'm hoping eventually it will become easier to gather the motivation. The second one of these is definitely the MOST important, in so far as - If I am not creating, I AM NOT LIVING. (As Fanny Bryce says "I live on stage.") I need to be on stage to fulfill my heart of hearts and it's been the most difficult battle I could have ever imagined facing because while it was breaking me to NOT be on the scene, I just couldn't face it. In comes Peter Colletto, my HS drama teacher who once again, for the third time, changed my life by getting me involved in something and re-igniting a fire inside of me that only being on stage can do. After Peter had me come do a show with him, this past year, a co-worker who had seen the show gave me some clippings of local auditions. As much as I didn't want to go on them because I am "busy with the move", I decided why not and went anyway. One of them was a bust, as they sometimes are, but I got the second one and it pays! Officially making me, a "working actress". That show goes up January 21st and I would be lying if I said that I am totally and completely looking forward to to it, only because of the rehearsal hours and what not, but ultimately it is feeding me as it should. The last Resolution I made for myself is not so much a choice at this point: Vitamins. I got a call from the doctor this week telling me that once again, my Vitamin D count is super LOW - 17 was the number if that means anything to you, and if I don't take my supplements I am at a higher risk of cancer - YIKES! So, scary as that is, it's turned me into a vita-nazi and I am all over that like Joey from Blossom - WOAH!
I've been battling sickness (had two stomach viruses in one week), depression (it comes and goes) and soul starvation (due to the afore mentioned lack of complete self-love and need for artistic expression) for years now; YEARS, and it's time to stop all that madness and move on to a healthier and happier existence. I'm sure as love that it's going to be a hard, sometimes up-hill battle but I feel ready and as prepared as I can be to face it all.
So here you go - lyrics to one of my all time favorite songs. Do yourself a favor though, watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8tuTSi6Sck
Cause that's the thing about singing, it's better when sung.
Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom on a tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
That's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me
Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
